I'm 30

So the blog has really fallen off a cliff this month. I don't quite know what happened, but this hiatus won't continue. I've been having a ball, traveling a lot, stressing a lot, planning a lot, working a lot... and before I know it, it's March 26.

I am currently editing the master playlist that Dave has put together for my party, and if you know Dave, you know this is no minor task. We've been organizing my Big Lebowski themed 30th for weeks, and still have a ton of last minute stuff to get done.

We have our costumes, almost. Well, Dave has his, but mine is missing something. On our way to dinner last night, we walked by some classic Hollywood Blvd stores- the stripper shoe emporiums, sex shops that turn into costume stores around Halloween, Armenian suit dealers, wig warehouses- and I popped into one "costume" store to look for a nude bodysuit. My mistake was asking the owner for help and grabbing the opaque bodysuit out of his hand without really reading the entire description on the box. A block down the street, I notice it's missing one minor component- a crotch. Yep, he sold me an opaque, nude, crotchless bodysuit. Well happy birthday to me!! And of course, no returns...

Note to marketing: some adjectives deserve more
visual prominence than others.

The funny thing is, in what situation would a long sleeve tan body suit ever be so sexy that it would be necessary to NOT have a crotch? Who would actually keep this on during sex, Eskimos? Mormons? Maybe it's made for outdoor go-go dancing, so you can quickly pee and get back on stage? I advertised this as "Jackie Treehorn Presents Tiffany's XXX" but the double entendre was that XXX is 30 in Roman Numerals, and Jackie Treehorn produces porn. Maybe the crotchless body suit is meant to be.

Anyway, now I have to go to American Apparel, which I always try to avoid, to find a leotard or something I can wear in lieu of or under this. Make it work!